Second Marriage in Judaism: The Chuppah the Second Time Around

Second marriage in Judaism: a second wedding, and a second chuppah, is a moving moment. Someone coming to the chuppah for the second time brings experience, sometimes children, and usually a deeper understanding of what matters. The ceremony itself is very similar to a first wedding. The differences lie mainly in Jewish law and legal status: whether the previous divorce was properly completed, which documents are needed, and what the way you married last time means now. In this article I go through these questions in plain language. General information, not legal advice.

Halachic differences at a second wedding

Jewish tradition knows several differences between a first and a second wedding:

• Waiting period: according to the Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer 13, a divorced or widowed woman waits ninety days before marrying again. The Chief Rabbinate’s marriage registration procedure also sets a wait of three months from the day the get was received, although registration itself can begin earlier. When a divorced couple remarry each other, the procedure exempts them from the wait.
• The days of celebration and Sheva Brachot: the Shulchan Aruch distinguishes between the wedding of a young man and a maiden and a wedding where both partners were married before. When both were previously married, the wedding blessings are said at the meals of the first day only. When one of them is marrying for the first time, they are said throughout the seven days of feasting.
• The ketubah: in the traditional ketubah the wording changes when the bride is not a maiden. An egalitarian ketubah makes no such distinction, which is one reason couples at a second wedding choose it. Read more about the egalitarian ketubah.
• A kohen and a divorcee: according to halacha, a kohen does not marry a divorced woman. So a man registering with the Rabbinate to marry a divorcee is asked to bring confirmation that he is not a kohen.

Do you need a get before remarrying?

This is the most important question, and the answer depends on how you married the first time:

• A previous marriage through the Rabbinate: to marry again, the divorce must be completed at the rabbinical court, meaning a get must be given. Anyone registering again with the Rabbinate is asked to present a divorce certificate and the original “ma’aseh beit din”, the court’s record of the get.
• A previous civil marriage abroad between two Jews: under the Rabbinical Courts Jurisdiction Law, marriage and divorce of Jews in Israel fall under the jurisdiction of the rabbinical court. In practice, the rabbinical courts generally require a get even when the previous marriage was civil. Check this with a lawyer before planning your next wedding.
• A previous Reform or private ceremony only, without registration: here the picture is different, with legal and halachic questions worth understanding. I wrote about them in a separate article on Reform weddings and divorce.

It is also worth knowing that the ma’aseh beit din issued with the get records any restrictions on future marriage. Read the document you received, and ask a lawyer if anything in it is unclear.

Which documents are requested

If you register to marry through the Rabbinate, the registration procedure asks, among other things, for:

• From a divorced person: an original divorce certificate from the rabbinical court, together with the original ma’aseh beit din.
• From a widow or widower: an official death certificate of the late spouse.
• An identity card in which the personal status has already been updated. According to the procedure, registration does not begin before the personal status is updated in the Population Registry.

Even if you marry outside the Rabbinate, make sure your personal status is up to date and that the previous divorce process is complete, because this affects any future registration. More on this on the legal status page.

Children from previous marriages

At a second wedding there are often children, from one or both sides. The ceremony can give them a place of honor without burdening them:

• Invite them to stand by the chuppah or hold its poles.
• Let an older child say a blessing or read a short passage.
• Include in the personal words a sentence addressed to them, about the new family being built.
• Ask them in advance what feels comfortable. Some children want a role, and some prefer to sit quietly with the family.

A small chuppah or a big celebration

There is no rule that a second wedding must be modest. Some couples choose a small, intimate chuppah with close family only, and some want to celebrate in a big way, just like the first time. It is up to you, your family and what feels right. A second chuppah can be quiet and moving, or joyful and loud, and it is whole and meaningful either way.

Does a Reform rabbi marry divorced people?

Yes. I officiate at weddings where one or both partners are divorced or widowed. The ceremony is essentially the same as a first one, and in our preparation meetings we decide together what tone to give it: some couples want to emphasize a new chapter, others prefer simplicity. What matters to me is that you come to the chuppah with the past settled, especially the question of the previous divorce.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long must a woman wait after the get to remarry?

According to halacha and the Rabbinate’s procedure, a divorced or widowed woman waits three months, ninety days, before remarrying. Registration with the Rabbinate can begin earlier.

We had a civil marriage before. Is a get needed?

The rabbinical courts generally require a get even after a civil marriage between two Jews. Every case is different, so consult a lawyer.

What is a ma’aseh beit din?

It is the document the rabbinical court issues when the get is arranged. It is required when registering for another marriage through the Rabbinate, and it records any restrictions on future marriage.

Can a kohen marry a divorced woman?

According to halacha, no. That is why the Rabbinate asks a groom marrying a divorcee for confirmation that he is not a kohen.

Can the children take part in the ceremony?

Certainly. They can have a role by the chuppah, a blessing or a reading, according to what feels comfortable for them. You will find more ideas in the article on roles for children at their parents’ wedding.

In Summary

A second wedding is a chance to build a ceremony that reflects who you are today. To keep it joyful and calm, settle the question of the previous divorce and the documents in advance, and consult a lawyer whenever in doubt. General information, not legal advice. If you would like to talk about your ceremony, I would be glad to schedule an introductory call.